Massholes Episode 15: Catfish and Coldcuts feat. Francia Raisa

Massholes Episode 15: Catfish and Coldcuts feat. Francia Raisa


PADDY: Jesus fucking
Christ, Jimmy. You’ve died so many times in
the last game, we can’t fucking get into this one. MAGGIE: You almost
fucking died last night with that broad. JIMMY: Maggie’s right man. PADDY: Dude, that fucking
broad was all right. I was trying to take her home. Why the fuck wouldn’t
you guys let me? MAGGIE: Really? JIMMY: All right? She had one eye and
an eye patch. That not all right. PADDY: Well, maybe I have a
fucking thing for pirates. Maybe I want to plunder
that shit. What? JIMMY: I just feel that you
deserve a girl with two eyes. MAGGIE: You’re so fucked. BRENT: Paddy, what’s
a dikfore? Is that Boston slang
or something? PADDY: Brent, why don’t you
fucking ask Maggie what a dick’s for? MAGGIE: What’s a dick for? What’s it not for? KENNY: A dick– Oh, a penis. JIMMY: Oh, Kenny. There you are. I want to tell you. The room looks great. With the new rug? It really ties the room
together. “Big Lebowski” shit going on, huh? PADDY: Start calling
you the dude. KENNY: Yeah. I had to do something because
the fucking landlord, you know, sent that letter
threatening to evict me. Last week, I get this letter
from my landlord saying there’s been multiple noise
complaints, and I might even get evicted. Ah, fuck. It’s the landlord. Shit. Hey, how’s it going? LANDLORD: Hey, good. Just wanted to give you a heads
up, we’re turning off the water for an hour
tomorrow morning. KENNY: OK. Cool. And by the way, sorry about
the noise complaints. I got the letter
and everything. It won’t happen again. LANDLORD: Letter? We didn’t send any letters. KENNY: I come to find out
my landlord didn’t even write a letter. So I’m trying to think, who
would be fucking with me? Who’s trying to stir up
a little bit of drama? BRENT: Woo! [CHUCKLES] I am having just the
best day possible. Quick back story. I run the third largest fan
page on Facebook for the actress Francia Raisa,
aka the most gorgeous Latina actress ever. She’s on a little TV show called
“The Secret Life of the American Teenager.”
That’s all. Well, guess who she friend
requested today on Facebook? This guy. PADDY: Brent, are you fucking
filming us, or are you on your phone? What’s so interesting? BRENT: No. No, come on. PADDY: Dude, what’s
so interesting? BRENT: That’s an
iPhone 5, man. KENNY: That’s a [INAUDIBLE]. PADDY: Wow. She has pretty eyes. Is this that broad you’ve
been fucking creeping? The celebrity? BRENT: I don’t creep her. I support her. JIMMY: [WHISTLES] KENNY: That’s Francia, dude. She is hot. BRENT: She friended me too. KENNY: She friended you? BRENT: Yeah. She friended me. KENNY: So Brent, you want
to fuck with me? How about this? Two can play that game. You heard about catfishing,
right? It’s kind of popular
right now? Notre Dame? Yeah. I created a fake Facebook
page for that girl you’re obsessed with. It’s time to go fishing,
Brent. BRENT: This her page. PADDY: This is her, huh? You’re pretty proud of
yourself, aren’t you? Huh? JIMMY: Let’s look
at her photos. Let’s see if these are real. PADDY: Let’s see these photos. BRENT: Well, I mean, she’s
just whatever. PADDY: Dude, she friended you? BRENT: Yeah, she friended me. MAGGIE: What? PADDY: This girl? MAGGIE: She’s hot. PADDY: I mean, she’s
all right. BRENT: Uh, [EXHALES] PADDY: What? BRENT: Uh, I don’t know. She just, uh, looks like she
just sent me a message. PADDY: She sent you a message? MAGGIE: What? -Read it. Read it. What does it say? BRENT: Your bandanas
are so retro. MAGGIE: Heart them. BRENT: My Brennie-poo
is the cutest. PADDY: Wow, kid, look at you. JIMMY: Wow. KENNY: I kind of feel bad for
the poor guy, but not really. This is way too much fun. BRENT: You got it. You’re a strong man, Brent. KENNY: Yo, yo. Hey, there’s the big boy. BRENT: It’s moving fast. So if I’m going to talk to
her, I got to get a few pointers from the one
guy that’s actually played at this level. Hey, uh, so I’m in this, like,
pickle with a girl. KENNY: Pickle? BRENT: Yeah. I just kind of wanted to kind
of, cameras down, be real with you for a second. I know you’re a busy guy and
all, but maybe if you could like, one Playboy to another
Playboy, give me like, your playbook. You know what I mean? You know, like. KENNY: You need some advice? BRENT: Yep. KENNY: He’s asking me for
some girl advice? I’m going to give him some moves
I guarantee she’s never seen before. You want some advice? Always start off with this. Ethnicity. Go. BRENT: She’s a Latina. KENNY: She’s a Latina. What are you? BRENT: W-White boy? KENNY: She’s a Latina. BRENT: She’s a Latina. KENNY: So you’re going
to do this. This is what you’re
going to do. You’re going to say, I want
to push that swerve. I want to push it on her. I want to push that swerve. Then you do the fucking
matador. That’s what you do. You do the matador, because
that one will work. She’s Latina. BRENT: You want me to
actually dance? KENNY: Show me the matador. Show me the matador. Show me the matador right now. BRENT: I want to push– KENNY: Yes. And snap with it. BRENT: I want to push
that swerve. KENNY: Don’t fall. Snap with it. That’s a good little improv. I like that. I wanna push that swerve
on you, girl. That’s what you say. BRENT: I wanna push that
swerve on you, girl. KENNY: Yes, yes, yes. And then when she smiles,
because she’s going to smile. BRENT: She’s going to smile? KENNY: Yeah. You say, you say, I wanna
dish those cold cuts. BRENT: I wanna dish
those cold cuts. KENNY: I wanna fucking
dish those cold cuts. BRENT: I wanna fucking
dish those cold cuts. KENNY: Dish those cold cuts. BRENT: Yeah. That’s what I say? KENNY: You fuck her
with your words. BRENT: With my? KENNY: You fuck her
with your words. I wanna dish those cold cuts. You know what I mean? Like, fucking dish. BRENT: I do that
with my pelvis? KENNY: No. You don’t do that one. BRENT: I’m gonna fuck
her with my words. KENNY: But you pretend as if
your words were your dick. BRENT: My word dick. KENNY: Yeah, you fuck–
no, not world dick. You fuck her with your words. Like, as if your words
were your dick. BRENT: Oh. Like a mental dick. KENNY: It works every time. Push that swerve. BRENT: Push that swerve. KENNY: Yeah. Go get her, tiger. Shut the door on the way out. BRENT: Yeah. Thanks, Ken. KENNY: Yeah, no problem,
buddy. Anytime you need my help. BRENT: Push those cold cuts. KENNY: Push the cold cuts. BRENT: Push the– dish
those cold cuts. Oh, fuck me. PADDY: Jesus, dude. Look at you. You’re fucking attached to
that goddamn computer. If you’re so into her, just
fucking ask her to meet up. BRENT: You don’t think I have
like, multiple times? Every time she writes
the same email back. Like, take it slow, Brent. This is the real deal. PADDY: Ah, fuck that. JIMMY: Dude, take it slow. You’re not going to get laid
over the computer, bro. MAGGIE: Hey, you guys. She just instagramed a picture
of a Pilot burger. PADDY: Wait, wait. She’s at Pilot right now? MAGGIE: Yeah. PADDY: Fuck that dude. She’s at Pilot. Let’s fucking go. Let’s go to Pilot. JIMMY: Who’s not hungry? Let’s go. KENNY: No, no, no. I think you should
take your time. She’s trying to form a
relationship, obviously. PADDY: No, fuck that. Let’s go. JIMMY: Form a relationship? Dude, you’re not going to get
laid on the computer. BRENT: It’s not always about
getting laid, Jim. MAGGIE: Bandana, this is it. BRENT: Dish her the
cold cuts, Ken. KENNY: Dish her the cold cuts. BRENT: Yeah. Looks like I’m going to have to
dish those cold cuts a lot sooner than I thought. -You guys, we’re being a
little bold right now. This is crazy. Kenny, tell him we’re
being a little bold. -Oh, God. She’s fucking right there. BRENT: Francia, hi. FRANCIA: Hi. BRENT: It’s Brent McMasters. I run your third largest
fan page on Facebook? FRANCIA: Oh. BRENT: We’ve been exchanging
email. And look, I know it’s kind of
awkward because you told me you didn’t want to
meet so fast. You want to play it slow. FRANCIA: I’m sorry, but
I don’t control those. BRENT: Well, I didn’t want to
miss a chance to push that swerve, girl. FRANCIA: OK. I see what you’re doing. Can you just push it
somewhere else? I’m not up for jokes
right now, thanks. BRENT: A joke? No, you’re not– Kenny should I? Maybe I could just dish
those cold cuts. FRANCIA: I’m sorry, stupid. What the fuck do you
think you’re doing? BRENT: Nothing. FRANCIA: Don’t put your fucking
shit in my face. BRENT: Francia, why? Why’d you that? FRANCIA: Why? One, if you were a real
fan, you would know that my name is Francia. I’m not named after some
fucking cheap ass wine. Why would you pronounce Francia
with a fucking Z? Don’t touch me. JIMMY: Oh, boy. Hot tamale. FRANCIA: Who are you? I’ll deal with you later. I’m dealing with
him right now. BRENT: I can’t explain this. FRANCIA: Go. Please. Be my guest. Explain. BRENT: You’ve been emailing me.
[email protected] FRANCIA: I don’t
control those. I don’t control those. I’m not emailing you. BRENT: Well, then who’s
been emailing me? FRANCIA: How the fuck did you
even know I was here? BRENT: I gonna find
out right now. Listen– FRANCIA: No don’t touch me. BRENT: I won’t touch
you ever again. FRANCIA: Don’t touch me. I’ll fucking hit you again. I swear to God I will
hit you again. BRENT: OK. Look, I just sent it. We’re going to figure
out who this is. [BEEP] [MUSIC PLAYING] FRANCIA: Push that swerve. No, but for really? I’ve heard better
pick up lines. Don’t use it again. KENNY: I created a fake Facebook
page for that girl you’re obsessed with. Fuck. Sorry. Little fucking prick. Yo, Brent, you want
to fuck with me? Two can play that game. You heard about catfishing,
right? Yeah, that kid from Notre Dame? Fuck you. I created a fake Facebook
page for that girl you’re obsessed of– shit dick. [LAUGHING] KENNY: It’s a tongue twister.

69 thoughts on “Massholes Episode 15: Catfish and Coldcuts feat. Francia Raisa

  1. dont do drugs everybody.. why? you cant b on the same leve las people that dont drugs, normal people love 2 eat, if u love certain drug, then u will b alone in that particular interest, it really creates distance between u and others that no drugs

  2. why did kenny reading make me ten times more attracted to him? i didnt know it was possible to be any more attracted to him lol :p

  3. This is better than any fucking reality TV show. When this shit blows up I can say I watched this when the videos wouldn't get more than 10,000 views.

  4. he was in center stage, an episode or two of glee as a dancer for vocal adrenaline. he has been a back up dancer as well. so he has done more than footloose. but nothing too recent.

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